Celebrity Death Of The Week -or- Pig Fever Claims Another Victim

Thank you for being a friend.

Traveled down the road and back again.

Your heart is true, your a pal and a confidant.

And if you through a party...

Invited everyone you ever knew.

You would see, the biggest gift would be from me

And the card attached would say,

Thank you for being a friend.

Hope Springs Eternal -or- Leave Your Hat On

The Gorillas had a tough year last year – breaking a string of several league championships and struggling to consistently bring enough bier for me to drink. So it was a goal this year to get off to a good start.  By “good start” I mean “not being on the bad side of blowouts and no major injuries.”

Thanks, in part, to the absence of BK and Beans, we’ve been pretty successful thus far.  Lord knows if those two pansies had played all six games this spring we’d at least have a pulled butt muscle and a sprained shin on our records. 

But by some miracle, we are injury free and 6-1 this young year.  Plus, we’ve only knocked one guy the fuck out and made 407 throwing errors.  So we got that going for us.

Anywho, below are the up-to-date standings.  We’re not gonna wear ties, but if we take care of business the next two games we can turn this fucker around.

Oh yah, I’m gonna order hats early next week.  Should we put the whole logo on them?  Should we go with something else?  Should we not ask you because you don’t give two shits?  Put your opinion in the comments or e-mail me and let me know if you want a hat, and what you think should be on them.

Game Day Live (On Tape) Blog -or- Grabbing At Straws

We're kinda looking for a new direction here at the official blog of the Gashaus Gorillas, so we're gonna be trying some out new brilliant ideas. Here's one that is at least new. Every week a host of e-mails get bandied about, and it's usually some of our best work. We're gonna try to sum-up those e-mails and throw 'em up here with a picture or two. It will likely suck, but we're bored today anyway, so what the fuck. Feel free to chime in in the comments.
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-- B reports that Ronnie B will be at tonight's game, speculates about Beans missing due to another great, great granparents death and BK missing due to some pussy injury/not being a good team-mate.

-- D is in, but praying for rain because it's gonna be colder than shit. Beans can't think of a good excuse, so he's in. BK shocks the world and says he can't play.

-- Discussion on JT bringing a fire pit. Upside: heat, ambiance, s'mores (marhmallow makes a good substitue for pine-tar!) Downside: legality, logistics, ghost stories. In the end JT decides to nix the idea. Too bad, he woulda batted lead-off if he pulled it off.

-- D is really concerned about the cold. Wants someone to pull a Bull Durham and turn on the sprinklers. Wonders if pissing himself would keep him warm.

--Tributes tonight: D wants to pitch to honor Mark Fidrych. B wants to gang rape a hooker to honor Maryland Chambers. Jeff plans to strike out to honor Harry K. D also divulges that his wife hates it when he wears a big bird costume to bed.

-- B prank calls D at work. Leaves message for him to call Mark DeByrd.

...more to come....

Gorilla Buzz -or- You Will Now Have Def Leopards 'Photograph' Stuck In Your Head

After much thought and consideration - during my whole post-lunch shat - I've decided to take the Gorilla Blog in a different direction. From now on, there will be much shorter posts, and much more uncredited pictures of chics holding a bat, glove, and/or balls.

Sure, there will still be an occasional long-winded, overly cliched and sophomorically humored post. That's who I am, and what I do. But in order to keep posting regularly, and thus keeping the Gorillas and their 3 fans interested, I feel there should be less words and more pictures. Just like their favorite novel.

I know what you're wondering, and the answer is yes, the focus will be on scantily clad hot chics and their tits. But, we'll try to keep it suitable for work. I can't promise it will be, but I promise to try. I don't know why, it's not like I don't say "fuck" 34 times in each post. Sometimes I capitalize and embolden it. Like this: FUCK. So if your boss is standing over your shoulder reading this tell him to fuck off and micro-manage that asshole in accounting looking up Anne Geddes pictures for his desktop image. That guy is a total pedophile.

I haven't yet decided if we'll still keep stats and post them this summer. I'd say probably, because I like to justify my shitty fielding by pointing out my incredibly large penis OPS+.

As usual, all Gorillas are invited to post as much as they like. (The Gorilla Hall of Fame posts were a good idea, but we all knew those lazy bastards couldn't keep them up.) Also don't be afraid to discuss things in the comments. It might be a more work-safe outlet than the usual 150 game day e-mails.

So, anyway... how 'bout that bumble bee chic with the tatted out arm? I bet she's a worker bee, amiright!?

Spring Schedule -or- Please Report Early For Infield Practice

Well, here we go again. Spring league starts this Tuesday, and of course it's going to be 30 fucking degrees. I think I just pulled a hamstring thinking about that.