Hey, Didn't You Used To Be The Gorillas? -or- Yes, I Said Raise. Why Are You Giggling?

So, would you rather play cards, eat smoked butts (the good kind), or drink bier?

We know, that's a tough one. It's like picking your favorite crappy world-coming-to-an-end movie. Don't make us choose!

But luckily, you don't HAVE to choose. You can do all three Saturday, October 14th. Shit, you can do all three at the same time! And best yet, you can do them with the morons pictured here.

We're not gonna go into all the fabulous details of the Gashaus Gorillas Poker Butt Bonanza in this blog. If you haven't gotten a flyer from us and you want to know more, leave a note in the comments. And if you can, make it kinda funny. (Have your brother, you know, the funny one, help you.)

Oh, and by the way, do not send us a fucking e-mail telling us you're coming to the bonanza by using the phrase, "I'm all in." We've been listening to morons (ahem! Buddy! coughcough) using that goddam phrase for everything from going to a movie to rooting for a hockey team for 3 damn years now, and we think it's about enough already.

Yah, so... we, um... played a couple games this past Tuesday. Boy, howdy, was that fun. Sure, we might have lost one of those games. Sure, it was to a bunch of snot-nosed punks. And sure, we weren't even drunk enough to use that as an excuse. But lets not forget what's important here. What's important, is that the Gorillas play next Tuesday at 8 & 9 p.m. for the champeenship of the fall league. And yes, it would be the 4th straight league champeenship, and the 6th of the last 7 leagues we've entered.

So, you know, there should be some pride involved here. Right?

And if you need to use the fact that we lost a game to a bunch of shit talking momma's boys (including one cocky little shit that should cut his hair with a civil war era cannon) as motivation... well then, you just go ahead and do that.

Oh, and bring bier.

Sorry for not bringing the funny. We're out of bier, er, motivation.

Hit Better Drunk, Field Better Sober. -or- Poker, Because You Love Her.

In the world of sports, there have been some very bad teams. The '62 Mets, '72-'73 Sixers, '76 Buccaneers were all historically bad. There have been some very good teams. The '27 Yankees, '85 Bears, and '75-'76 Hoosiers come to mind.

But has there ever been a team that combined skill level and drinking ability quite like the 2006 Gashaus Gorillas? I think not.

Tuesday night was one of those evenings from which dreams are made. Beautiful weather, good softball games, and bier. Lots and lots of bier.

You could tell it would be a special night, when in pre-game nearly all the Gorillas brought a key element for the event. Some had bier and no cooler or ice. Some had bier and ice, but no cooler. Some had bier and an extra cooler. Some had bier and extra ice. One guy had a burrito, while another had some haut sauce. It was magical.

The magic carried over to the field. The first game ended in a run-rule as the Gorillas took advantage of an inexperienced north-paw on the hill, the continued hot hitting of JT (4 for 4, homer, 5 ribbies), and an umpire that was drunk enough to not notice how drunk we were.

An hour off to drink some more did nothing but help as BK joined JT in the hit parade in game two (both going 4 for 4) and we got some key clutch hitting in the last inning. Sure, we may have been a bit too tipsy to catch soft liners or thow guys out from 5 feet in front of the plate, but man were we funny. And we won. Which is nice.

So while our significant others, family doctors, and employers may think otherwise, we have once again proven that excessive drinking is a good thing. Maybe the best of things. Well, there is hope. I hear that's pretty good. And titties. Titties are awesome. Ever had a Wrigleyville Dog? Those things are fucking unreal.

But excessive drinking was the best of things this time. And it will probably be the best of things next Tuesday (8 & 9 for those of you too fucking lazy to scroll down to the scedule.) We'll see if we can get Tdub and Nick's punk asses out of their respective work boots and wheelchairs, get those boys drunk, and turn 'em loose! Wooooooo! Bronx Bombers here we come!!

Which brings me to the 2nd item of bidness. The Gorillas need money. Lots and lots o' money. Okay, not really. But we're gonna hold a fund-raiser anyway. It's not an ambitious affair, just a little poker game and butt smokin' to pass the time. But we'll raise a few bucks for the team and have a good excuse to spend the whole day drinking, eating, and playing cards with our homies. The debate is: when do we have it? We'll be placing a poll on the right side-bar shortly, and we would appreciate your honest(ish) opinion.

You do like bier, food, and cards right? Right? Cuz if you don't, well, that's how we would know you're gay. Don't be the guy wearing that faggy '76 Bucs jersey. Just... don't. K?