Vote For Bier! -or- Democracy Blows

URGENT MESSAGE FOR ALL GORILLAS AND GORILLAS SUPPORTERS!

You may or may not know that tomorrow is some sort of bullshit “election day.” Yes, I realize that if you are reading this blog, you likely don't vote.

But I disagree! You see, you DO vote... AT THE LIQOUR STORE. And tomorrow, game day, the muthachuckin liquor stores are CLOSED till 6pm. And, seeing as we play at 6pm, the pre-game meeting is @ 5. That's BEFORE the liquor stores close! OMFG!

I will be sending a class three emergency text shortly, so as not to leave any Gorilla unawares. We use the same system as schools do when there’s some Lord Of The Rings nerd shootin’ up the joint for class three emergencies. In class four emergencies we actually rob a liquor store and rape school teachers. Mostly the female ones. I know what you’re thinking, and don’t worry, it’s only happened like three or four times in all of the years we’ve been playing.

So anyways, yah, you better go get bier tonight.

Sexy Update (Live From "Erection Day"):

Last night, in my never-ending efforts to make sure you I drink enough to be able to deal with life hit bombs, I went to a bier-selling establishment - we'll call it, oh, I dunno, "West Side Liquor" - to buy some bier for today. At said establishment, an employee - we'll call him "Bill" - told me that they will not, in fact, be closed today! He said there's some new law and now they can sell bier on days when I wasn't gonna vote anyway.

So there you go, you have absolutely no excuse to show up without bier tonight. Woohoo!

Fall Ball Time -or- Let's Play Two!

You may have figured it out by the glaring absence of a follow-up post after the one below, but the Gorillas were unceremoniously bounced from the city tourney after shooting our collective wad in the three hour marathon game o' the century.

It was sad, but inevitable. We had to save our best for the thing we're known most for: winning league titles.

Speaking of, the Fall league begins tonight. Here's the schedule:

We have lots more to talk about, and we'll try to do that tomorrow along with a follow up to our first fall league double-header.

Mildly Surprising The World! -or- Power Ballad

The city tourney began last night, and by now you've already heard about the game between lovable underdogs, The Gashaus Gorillas, and the power haus Midwest/Adcraft Softball (playing under the pseudonym: Swat Pest).

We considered typing a complete game write-up - something we rarely do - because the game was so goddam exciting. Seriously, next to the Gorillas signature win over the Gawd Fearin' Bastards to win the league champeenship last summer, this was the most exciting win in the modern Gorilla Era. But today, as e-mails were flying and reporters were calling, we came across this nice write up about the epic win:

Ok, Jeremy Willis hit a screaming line drive off Nick's shin to lead off the game. That really pissed us off!
And then D went all Mark McGwire and put some balls in the stratosphere.
And then Nick went all Rick Ankiel on them and hit a bomb of his own to avenge that huge lump on his shin.
And then Adcraft hit like a gagillion hr's for outs.
And then Dant puked his guts...and more guts. Very Gorilla-esk.
And then Wolfey hit a ball that landed in B's glove.
And then Wolfey hit another ball that landed in D's glove as B just dove for it.
And then they walked Piglet to get to B....and B booped a screaming knuckler over Eagle's head to win the phukin game!
And then Todd Mazzier bad mouthed everyone on his team after the game.
And Elkie peeled out in the parking lot.
The end.

He may have missed a couple things in there somewhere, and we're not totally pleased with the Satanic Fowl references, but it keeps us from typing more and pretty much sums it up.

One thing we would like to point out, just in case someone with a position in the local Parks N Rec office stumbles across this here bloggy-thingy, in the 11 games of the summer league this year, the Gorillas hit exactly five home runs. Last night, using balls left over from last year, we hit eight, plus one for an out. (Oh, and we're not saying this, but we heard some other people saying that the home-plate umpire is an idiot of Paris Hilton proportions.)

So hey, the Gorillas go out again tonight to shock the world yet again, and hell, if we were gonna go thru all the trouble to play three fuckin' hours last night, we might as well win another game tonight and make it worth while.

We're Already Going to Hell...

Here's how it's gonna go down. We're gonna just go ahead and act like we've been doing this blog bullshit for years. We're gonna go ahead and act like you people have been reading this here blog since it's birth, those many years ago. We're gonna dive right in and "blog" about a big game coming up in which we will curse at chruch-goers whilest their children look on in horror. And you, you're gonna sit there, real calm-like, at your desk and act like you are enjoying the whole goddam thing. Got it?

So. It all comes down to this. As you know, the Gorillas have had an up and down year. We're good. I mean real fucking good. But, as many teams are, we've been somewhat, um, sidetracked at times by various difficulties.

• 6pm games which leave little time to drink warm-up beers before hand.
• Teams playing under the guise of God Fearin' Christians whom we happen to know are a collection of ass-bags that would fit right in at a Bengals training camp.
• Fun-hating umpires getting all up-tight on us and ruining our vibe just because we were dressed more like an umpire than them.
• Extremely restricting wardrobes.
• Our left fielder running away to milk the bulls at some rodeo in rural Illinois.
• Global Warming.

Yah, it's been trying, to say the least.

But after all that, The Gorillas will be playing for the Champeenship this coming Tuesday, August 15th @ 8pm. And guess what. We'll be playing the God Squad that has mysteriously had our number this year. (My theory? We've played them @ 6 both games and it hurts the Gorillas much more not being able to drink beer b4 the game than it does that psuedo prayer group. That, and pansy-ass Melon's always late to 6 o'clock games.)

So what's it gonna be, Gorillas? Are we gonna man-up and win this motherchucker, or, um, you know... not? If you can't get fired up for this game, well, I just don't know who you are anymore.

By the way, please feel free to use the Comments option. It is, afterall, kinda the reason we're doing this whole "blog" thing. Up till now, we thought "blogging" was something Flemwad's family did to livestock in the hills of Tennessee.