Gorilla Stats

*Yes, you're reading this right. The Gorillas have played eight games, but only have stats for 7 of them. The dog ate the stats for the lost game. We lost it anyway, so fuck it.

July 10th Boxscore - or - Hat Trick

There are few things that please a crowd like a Gashaus Gorilla Theme Night. Sure, some consider it old hat*. Some might think the attention is getting to our heads*. Some claim that we've officialy flipped our lids*. But at the end of the day, they just have to tip their caps* and admit we are the coolest goddam thing since Dr. Seuss.
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This week we played a game against a team called El Diablo or some gay shit. They annoyed us greatly. They still annoy us. They are the reason we have five goddam 6 p.m. games this summer. For some reason they just had to play all their games @ 8. Fuck them.
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They had beaten us by a score of 15-12 earlier in the year. Fuck them.

They are a bunch of kids who round bases too far, throw behind runners, and slide into defensless cowboys on the basepaths. Fuck them.
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Little did they know that we never lose on theme nights**. Still, we needed all the Gorilla Theme Night Magic we could muster. The game went extra innings after a bottom of the 7th that was like a train wreck, only in the middle a woman gets raped and has a forced abortion. That is to say, it was pretty shitty to watch. But the Gorillas are nothing if not clutch (fat, slow, alcoholic and funny-looking), and on this night we were just clutch enough and gritted out a win.

Fuck them.
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The win gets us back to the .500 mark, after a decidedly shitty start, and gives us some hope of at least making things moderately interesting in the league.
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The next order of bidness is deciding what our theme night will be next week. The obvious choices are available, and new ideas are welcome. Throw your suggestion in the comments, or send an e-mail, and we'll put up a poll this weekend to decide.
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Our next game is @ 7 p.m. against "The Snakes" - an equally gay team name, and a team that I think beat us last time. I suspect we don't like them either.
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Fuck them.
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* - Not true
** - Not true

Gorilla Stats as of July 4th

July 3rd Boxscore

Gorilla Stats (as of June 20th)

June 19th - Box Score

Gonna try to catch up on the stats today.... (soft)

NOW we go! -or- "Hello $6.50 bier. I've missed you."

So, you may have noticed that updates, game recaps, and hilarity have been a little, um, lacking 'round these parts lately.

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Well, The Gorillas have been blowing the proverbial dog thus far this Summer... and we just haven't had much to say. Then Rod Beck goes and dies, and on Rod Beck Tribute Night we get rained out. (And how ironic that Shooter would die so close to Rod Beck Tribute Night! What? Oh.) So things may seem a little... depressing.

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But perk up, kiddies! There's good news!

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As we type this, the New(!) and Improved(!) Team Bat is on a FedEx truck - bound for delivery to our palatial estate on Evansville's Beautiful West Side.

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We are sooo gonna hit some bombs come next Tuesday. And this time by "bombs" we don't mean "sac flies 10 feet short of the fence."

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Also: some of us are going to be heading out of town shortly, en route to the greatest place on earth. Of course, I'm speaking of the Bud Light Bleachers in the friendly confines of Wrigley Field. Big series with the Brew Crew this weekend and we're gonna enjoy the hell out of it.

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Somebody should dvr the games, because we totally plan on getting wasted and running out to the pitchers mound to ask a crappy Cubs reliever, "What the fuck are you doing?"

Celebrity Death O' The Week - or - Shooter Takes A Tough Loss

September 28th, 1998. Cubs are up 5-3 over the Giants. It's the top of the 9th inning. They had started that inning up 5-1. Now there are two runners in, two runners on base, and only one out. .
This game is a one-game playoff with the Giants to win the NL wild card. As some of you may know - the Cubs, they just don't get to go to the playoffs all that often. Not often at all.
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And so there are 30-some odd thousand people standing in the friendly confines of Wrigley Field. 24-some odd thousand of them are convinced that the ghost of a billy-goat will distract Kevin Orie enough that he'll miss an easy ground ball (just as had happened in the 3rd inning on May 6th, costing Kerry Wood a no-hitter in perhaps the most dominate game ever thrown by a pitcher) that will lead to another horribly depressing loss.

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20-some odd thousand people were saying, either to themselves or the drunk Trixie next to them, "Sosa hits 20 homeruns in June, and 66 this year...and these bums are gonna blow it anyway."

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11-some odd thousand people began sobbing, getting an early start on the inevitable and trying to beat the crowd.

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8 people relaxed - knowing the game was in hand.

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One of those 8 faithful was a fat guy with unruly facial hair and a mullet. And at this moment, he was running from the left field bullpen towards the mound. All 30-some odd thousand people must have thought it was rather odd, that a fat guy would run like this - in such a hurry to face the Giants #4 & 5 hitters, in such a taxing situation.

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The fat guy stood bent over on the hill, his right arm dangling and swaying in the breeze. He scowled at Jeff Kent. He threw a pitch: slow and crooked. Ground ball to short. Force out @ 2nd. Two down.

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Next, he scowled at Joe Carter, who had a history of heroics. He threw a pitch: slower and more crooked still. Pop-up to 1st base.

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Up in heaven, Harry Caray yelled, "Cubs Win! Cubs Win! Cubs Win!"

Somewhere right now, Harry's drinking a Bud. Shooter's drinking a Coors Light. They're talking baseball.

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Rod "Shooter" Beck was found dead in his apartment this Saturday past. So it goes.

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If you don't know the story of how Shooter spent his time @ AAA Iowa, on the comeback trail in 2003, then go read this article.

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He was what we all would like to think we would be if we somehow had the talent and balls to be a major league baseball star. He was what the Gorillas are all about.

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Update: Apparantly, Shooter was buried in a Cub uniform, even though he was only with the team for two years. There is still no information on the cause of his death.

Gorilla Stats as of June 13, 2007

Boxscore, June 12th, 2007

Gorilla Stats as of June 6th

June 5th Boxscore

Gorilla Stats as of 5/23/07

Box-score 5/22/07

2007 Summer League Schedule

We just realized that we never posted the summer league schedule. We blame Ryan Dempster & Neal Cotts.

All games are on Tuesday nights at Iglehart field.

May 15th - 6pm vs. Eville Deamons (L 23-13)
May 22nd - 6pm vs. Dyna Kleen
May 29th - 7pm vs. Red Rockets
June 5th - 8pm vs. el Diablo
June 12th - 6pm vs. The Snakes
June 19th - 6pm vs. Eville Deamons
June 26th - 6pm vs Dyna Kleen
July 3rd - 7pm vs. Red Rockets
July 10th - 8pm vs. El Diablo
July 17th - 7pm vs. The Snakes
July 24th - Rain Date
July 31st - Championship night 8pm game.

We'll update Theme Nights here as we schedule them.

The God-Fearing-Bastards Would Like For You To Appologize Now. -or- Yay, Us.

Okay, okay. We admit it. Perhaps we have been making just a few too many blasphemous & distastefull jokes over the last year or two. Hey God: we were only jokin'. Seriously.
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We weren't sure if God was upset about Jerry Falwell croaking, or if he'd just had enough, already with our bullshit... but it sure looked like he was pissed Tuesday night. It rained, thundered, and the wind blew in 40 mph gusts - in every direction. All the while, our little Gorillas were standing out in the field watching youngsters run around the bases.

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When Melon didn't show up till the 4th inning, we knew it was us that had the All-Mighty all in a tissy. And boy, did we regret this post from last year.

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But hey, it was just game one of an 11 game summer season. Yah, we got our asses handed to us this time. But we'll get another shot at those little fuckers, what with their boundless energy, hot girlfriends, and ability to catch fly balls. And when we get that next chance: we won't suck as much. Especially Gerthy.

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Having made His point Tuesday - and really, most of the spring league - the Big Guy gave us a lovely day on Wednesday. Which was good, since the Gorillas were vying for their fifth straight league championship. All we had to do was win two. A heady task, considering we were all bruised & battered from the night prior. Luckily, we had an hour off between games to drink replenishing fluids and strategersize. And so on.

We won, of course.

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Because that's what we do.

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That's all we do.

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We don't know if our Spring League Championship trophey will look much like the one pictured here...but we do plan on wearing a cheerios hat, golf spikes, and a man-ziere when we passionately make out with it.

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How you celebrate is up to you and your beliefs.

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God, bless these Gorillas. (And Cracker.)

Gorilla Stats As Of 5/15/07

Box Score, May 14th

Splitsville -or- "Atta BJ T"

There are lots of things that we like -- that everyone likes -- about the Gashaus Gorillas. For one, there is the bier. The Gorillas always have bier.
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There's also the witty banter, inspired play, on-field leadership, hustle, and skilled glove work.
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Thank Gezus there was bier Wednesday night.
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The Gorillas came out deader than Dillinger in game one. Fortunately PC Quest, the team with numbered sweatshirts, wasn't much better. A couple big innings from the good guys, and a win was salvaged.
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This is becoming a (disturbing) trend for the Gorillas this spring. Slow starts, and slower endings sprinkled with a couple big offensive outbursts that, more often than not, are good enough for a win.
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Unfortunately, that formula didn't work in game 2, and when all was said and done, we ended up where we started -- drinking bier in the parking lot, bad mouthing an absent Flemwad and a broke-dick Beans, and one full game behind PC Quest in the standings.
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But hey, they don't say "ya win some, ya lose some" for nothing. And we don't say it very often. So despite the less-than-stellar performance Wednesday night, there is still a damn good chance of extending the championship streak to 5 straight leagues. All we gotta do is win two games next week (7 p.m. and 9 p.m.) and, whamo!, we're doing the donkey dance and drinking blue yummies from a gold-plated plastic trophy.
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Then we'll take our rightful place in history, thank Gezus we don't keep the book in the spring, and bad-mouth Flemwad and broke-dick Beans.
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That's one of the things we like about the Gashaus Gorillas.

His Mudder Was A Mudder -or- Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Lose, And Sometimes...It Rains.

As we sit around waiting to lose massive amounts of money betting on horseys to run real fast in circles (we like Dominican in the Derby), we thought we'd update a curious nation, clamoring for knowledge of the goings-ons and where-abouts of their heroes: The Gashaus Gorillas.

Thus far this spring, the Gorillas have battled an inconsistent Mother Nature (sub 40 degree weather, and two rain-outs) an inconsistent roster ("girlfriends" birthday's and "work" functions @ 7 o'clock at night), and inconsistent play.

The Gorillas, though, are undaunted, unaffected, and mostly un-sobered. An impressive 9 players showed up for an obviously rained-out game this Wednesday past. We were nearly moved to tears.

But having good chemistry and plenty of bier in the clubhaus is not enough. The Gorillas stand at 4-2 with four games left in spring play. The 2 games this coming Wednesday (oddly, @ 7&8 p.m.) are against the current league leaders, and are must wins.

So show up early. Bring your rain-gear. Sport your Gorilla colors. And be ready to kick some ass. This is the stuff from which past Gorilla Legends have been created, and the stuff that Gorillas of the future will talk about during rain delays on cold April nights.

And bring bier.