Time To Show Some Cleavage -or- Be A Good Gorilla

It’s obviously been a tough week, what with the passing of Farrah Fawcett, Billy Mays and, of course, Fred Travalena.  But the Gorillas are a resilient bunch.  And while we pass the time till we can go to Club Royale Wednesday night, where BK will pay tribute to Mr. Travalena by doing the same bit he did on Johnny Carson back in ‘82 -- “Wouldn’t it be wild if Jack Nicholson worked at a gas station? I think it’d go a little like this…” [turns back to crowd and shapes his face with his hands…] –- the Gorillas are gonna do something fun.  And no, we don’t mean what this guy did.  This week IS Tight Shirt Night!  Seriously!

And as if that weren’t huge enough, it’s also the night we’re going to collect items that we will send to our militant/absentee left fielder, who is currently telling stories of three-legged dogs and dick-snippin ducks to some Iraqi kid who can’t understand a word he says.  (Which happens to be the only thing we have in common with that Iraqi kid.)  That’s right, the Sgt. Flemwad care package goes out this week so if you haven’t gotten something to send him yet then do so before tomorrow.  (Call me or Baumgart if you need suggestions.)  We’ll also be taking a picture to send with a card that we can all sign or piss on or something.

So all of you Gorillas (past and present) and all of you  Gorilla Groupies out there, please come out to Iglerock tomorrow and show your support by wearing a shirt way to fucking small.  It’s what master impressionists and vegas head-liner Fred Travalena would want.  It’s what TV pitchman Billy Mays would want.  It’s what hot piece of ass right till the end Farrah Fawcett would want.  But most importantly, it’s what God and I want.

Gorilla Stats -or- Catcher’s ERA Not Included

The Gorillas Are Better At Eating, Drinking & Softballing Than Dynakleen -or- Tite Shirt Night Postponed

Forced by vacations, general malaise, and pansy-ass injuries to Gorilla regulars last night, your heroes had to go to an all-Thomas outfield, an unprecedented 5-man infield defense, and a non-pitching pitcher. This is not how we wanted to face our arch-rivals.

Fortunately for us, our arch rivals are retarded and we won easily. Sure, the tying run was on third and the winning run was on first as TDub stretched his TRex-like left arm out to snag a sinking line-drive to end the game. But we had it all the way. We always do.

Then we ate hamburgers and drank 5,000 biers in the parking lot. We won that contest too. But then, we always do.

Gorilla Stats –or- Here Are A Lot Of Numbers

I’ve been super, super busy lately so haven’t had much time to post. And by “super, super busy” I mean “I got a new phone last week and every waking moment has been spent either playing with it or drinking, or both. Usually both.”

So anyway, below are the stats from the first three weeks of the Gorilla Summer. And here’s a major mother fucking announcement: Tomorrow (June 23rd) is Tight Shirt Night! That’s right, kiddos, we’re gonna come out wearing clothes way to small and we’re gonna kick Dynakleen’s ass. Then we’re gonna eat burgers and dogs afterwards in hopes to make said clothes even tighter. It’s gonna be awesome.

6pm game. Pre-game meeting @ 5.

Pitcher Gives Up One Too Many Hits -or- Oopsie

A typical Tuesday night for the Gorillas can involve lots of hits, a few breaks and an occasional curse word. Sometimes the hits are off our bats as we’re lighting up some unsuspecting team that probably sent Ryan Seacrest a bunch of texts about Adam Lambert. Sometimes the break involves somebody pissing us off enough that we actually play hard. Sometimes we listen to a lot of Prince songs. Sometimes we get our asses kicked, say “gosh dammit” a few times and take it out on our chics dogs when we get home.

Last night there was a hit, a break, and a bunch of curse words that involved this.

Gorilla Stats -or- Ew

Gorilla Stats -or- Thank Gawd For Stellar Defense

(You can also view the stats via the link on the side bar.)