[Note from the editor] One of Jon Thomas' little brothers - Matt, I think - didn't come to the Gorilla Gala last fall. He had a lame excuse. We cut him from the team for it. What follows is his open letter to the Gorillas which he hopes will convince us to renew his contract.
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A few years back my older brother asked me to fill in for a softball team on a Tuesday night at wesslemans, I reluctantly said yes. Showing up not knowing what I was getting into, obviously I was hesitant to make acquaintances. It wasn't until after the game that a plump man offered me some Crown Royal that I assumed these guys meant business (not forgetting the six fist fights Derrick almost got into during the game). I declined the Crown cause I had just lost my license to a DUI and was only drinking beer that night, after all I did have to drive back across town.
Skip forward a few seasons.....the gorillas had just wrapped up another stellar year of ball, ONE BACKDOOR CHAMPIONSHIP AND ONE OUTRIGHT TITLE!!! Now it was a tough year for some of the veteran gorillas with nagging injuries and just some with terrible overall play. The younger gorillas knew commitments had to be made. I certainly feel like I did my part. Not only had I taken voluntary layoff from my job to better prep for games by showing up at least 3 hours early and drinking beer, I also quit a job, took a 6 dollar an hour pay cut, to go back to my old job so I could make a clutch mid season showdown against dynasucks. I'm not sure if I made a difference in that game but I was there. I purposely missed work on several occasions to come play, I often turned in the lineup and occasionally played well enough to not embarrass us all at once.
Then the end of year gala came around. 300 different dates were brought up about when this should be, the powers that be chose Halloween night. I already had plans, although nothing worth talking about they were still plans set in stone. Maybe I made the wrong choice, maybe I should have been there at the event. But the choices we make define who we are. I made a choice and have spent an entire offseason worrying about the consequences, hoping for another chance. Hoping.
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[Me again.] Now, obviously, we had no intention to actually cut this kid for missing the party. That would be ridiculous, for three reasons: 1) While he can barely catch an easy pop-up, he is one of the few guys we can make play outfield. B) Punishment for missing the Gorilla Gala is obviously missing the Gorilla Gala. And Lastly) How stupid would it be to cut someone who has played for several years just for one missed event?
However...
I don't like the way he didn't mention me at all in this post. He also should have described Ronnie B as a "black" plump man. Every Gorilla is "plump" so that could have been anyone, but more importantly we need to make sure it's out there that we have minorities on the team. Helps with government funding. Most importantly, he kinda comes off as needy. Like a chic. So annoying.
So I'll leave it up to a public vote. Please let us know in the comments if we should allow what's-his-name back on the team. (Next week we'll vote on if the Trix Rabbit gets to eat cereal).
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