Gorilla Schedule -or- Summer Bettern Others

That chic there?  That’s Summer Sanders.  She has nothing to do with anything, except that she’s the only girl whose name is “Summer” that I could think of.

That schedule below?  That’s the Gorillas Summer schedule.  That has everything to do with everything.  We start this Tuesday against the team we beat in the Spring League Champeenship.  I don’t remember real well, but I think we might dislike them.  I mean, the odds are pretty good that we dislike them, right?

Bring Bier.

Gorilla Announcement -or- Greetings From The Ville

As you all probably know, the Gorillas have been on a bit of an hiatus whilst parks-n-rec tries to catch up from the 40 days of rain we recently had here in the taint of America, Evansville, IN.  And without the usual sport-like activities - and the accompanying “drinking of a thousand biers” – on Tuesday nights we haven’t exactly had a lot to write about on the ole Gorilla Blog.

I started to write a fake profile for the Gorilla/Cubs fan pictured to the right here, but,  I’ve stolen borrowed bits from kissingsuzykolber.com before, and it wasn’t all that great, so I said fuck that.

Instead, I decided to stick with our recent mantra of “more tits, less words” and post a couple pictures of hot chicks along with the major motherfucking announcement that the Gorillas are now a sponsored team.

Soon we will be known as “The Gashaus Gorillas Presented By Verville Construction.”  Yah, it’s a little wordy, let’s not make a big deal out of it, okay?  Anywho, we’re not sure the good folks at Verville Construction really want their name associated with this sometimes racist (in a totally funny/non-offensive kind of way), sometimes triumphant, sometimes sentimental, sometimes blasphemous, and always fat blog, but we’re very happy to have Chris and his company as part of the organization and would like to take this time to say that the opinions and tasteless jokes expressed in this blog in no way reflect those of Verville Construction.

Summer league starts June 3rd (ish).  See ya then.

Time To Shine The Dancin' Shoes -or- "Freebird!"

The Gorillas are enjoying a little down time while we wait on the arc to be built and the fucking rain to stop. I believe at this point the summer league will start sometime in mid-October, so check with us then and we'll get you the schedule.

So for a little team-bonding and a good cause we're gonna drag our chics out to support fellow Gorilla JWar as he plays a little gig at the Duck Inn on May 23rd. I know what you're thinking, and yes, that is the day after my birthday. And yes, it is okay to give me gifts on the 23rd.

So anyway, get a babysitter and rent a tux. It's time for the Gorillas to paint the town red.

(click image to view larger)

Celebrity Death O' The Week -or- JJ Fad Mourns

Sad news this weekend. NBA and Child Support legend Shawn Kemp croaked. I'm sure his 73 kids and Gary Payton are very upset. Also, apparently he was in politics too. Who knew?

In other news, the Gorillas will vie for a champeenship Tuesday night when they play a bunch of fagalas called "Turn Two" at 8 & 9. We have to win at least one to keep the trophey all to ourselves, so we should, you know, do that.

Update (11:45): Apparently I was mistaken, it wasn't Shawn Kemp that died. It was a footballer, David Michael Kemp. My bad, and my apologies to Gary Payton.

Update (1:59): Oopsie. I just received word that it was not in fact famed footballer David Michael Kemp that kicked (get it?) the bucket, but instead famed dick head, 2nd bagger and champion of the porn mustache Jeff Kent is not diving for ground balls in heaven now. Reports indicate that he is lying to the Dodgers about dying because it's prohibited in his contract.

Update (3:01): My sincerest apologies to the family of Jeff Kent. According to a nice old lady that identified herself as his mother, Jeff is neither dead nor a dickhead. (She would not, however, answer my inquiries as to weather he has ever hustled out a ground ball.) In response to the call from Mrs. Kent, I have promised to buy some shiny glasses and shave my beard so that I look like a traffic cop, just like her boy. I've also fired the Gashaus Gorilla Softball Blog's fact checker, a chimpanzee named Earl. Sure, it will be a lot less fun around here with me being the only one throwing my own feces, but mistakes like that can't be tolerated. Earl will be put down humanely (using last year's team bat) right after he finishes picking the bugs out of my back hair.

Update (3:20): Okay, it turns out our report of Jeff Kent dying yesterday was way off. Instead of Jeff Kent it was Jack Kent Cooke, and instead of yesterday it was in 1997. Boy, Earl sure fucked that one up. I'll make sure he signs out an apology to Mr. Cooke's lovely daughter before I leave him to die on the side of the road like the filthy, non-Google using animal he is.