Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Lose & Sometimes It Rains -or- D Was Surprisingly Not Injured

With several members of the team either out of town or scheduled to wear a wig and sing 80's hits in a pretentious east-side bar, the Gorillas were gonna be short-handed last Tuesday.

[Cues "Hero" by Mariah Carey.]

The team was in trouble. Something had to be done. But what?

["There's a hero/If you look inside your heart..."]

One man knew. He knew that his family had been called upon in such times for generations. But he didn't know if he could do it.

["...You don't have to be afraid/Of what you are..."]

He went to the old dusty trunk in the garage and began searching frantically. He finally found the box 'neath the white satin Adidas hat with the gold rope across the brim, and resting atop a bed of Taylor Dayne posters. It was a pair brown Eastland loafers: the laces untied but in some fancy swirl thingy, and the soles worn thin.

[...There's an answer/If you reach into your soul/And the sorrow that you know/Will melt away..."]

Yes. He would do it. He had to. For the team. For himself. And for Lou Diamond Phillips. He dug through the same trunk and found a casingle. "My Perogative" by Bobby Brown. This would do the trick.

[And then a hero comes along/With the strength to carry on...]

He went and got his daughters Playskool tape player. (It was still loaded with "Hello" by Lionel Richie from last month when he saw that blind woman at the grocery store. His daughter has, in fact, never heard of a "cassette". The player was in his bedroom.) He donned the shoes, and

cranked the volume on Bobby Brown. And he danced.

["So when you feel like hope is gone/Look inside you and be strong..."]

Slowly at first - after all, he's over-weight and has a bad heart - but then he started to recall the nights of his youth at The Victory. His pace quickened. And soon... it began to rain.

["And finally see the truth/That a hero lies in you"]

Some say it was the "running man" that did it. Some think it was the Kool Moe Dee "wild, wild west". Me, I like to think it was the Kid N Play move where he grabbed his left foot and jumped over his arm with the right.

But one thing is for certain: the Gorillas did not play softball that day. (Game rescheduled for July 29th)