Summer Schedule -or- Schedule of Summer

Vote For Bier! -or- Democracy Blows

URGENT MESSAGE FOR ALL GORILLAS AND GORILLAS SUPPORTERS!

You may or may not know that tomorrow is some sort of bullshit “election day.” Yes, I realize that if you are reading this blog, you likely don't vote.

But I disagree! You see, you DO vote... AT THE LIQOUR STORE. And tomorrow, game day, the muthachuckin liquor stores are CLOSED till 6pm. And, seeing as we play at 6pm, the pre-game meeting is @ 5. That's BEFORE the liquor stores close! OMFG!

I will be sending a class three emergency text shortly, so as not to leave any Gorilla unawares. We use the same system as schools do when there’s some Lord Of The Rings nerd shootin’ up the joint for class three emergencies. In class four emergencies we actually rob a liquor store and rape school teachers. Mostly the female ones. I know what you’re thinking, and don’t worry, it’s only happened like three or four times in all of the years we’ve been playing.

So anyways, yah, you better go get bier tonight.

Sexy Update (Live From "Erection Day"):

Last night, in my never-ending efforts to make sure you I drink enough to be able to deal with life hit bombs, I went to a bier-selling establishment - we'll call it, oh, I dunno, "West Side Liquor" - to buy some bier for today. At said establishment, an employee - we'll call him "Bill" - told me that they will not, in fact, be closed today! He said there's some new law and now they can sell bier on days when I wasn't gonna vote anyway.

So there you go, you have absolutely no excuse to show up without bier tonight. Woohoo!

Spring Gorilla Schedule -or- Softball Makes Me Thirsty

A New Era -or- Manifesto, Motherfucker

Another season is upon us, and the Gorillas are fired up and ready to go mildly interested.

Along with the new season, dawns a new era for your favorite drunken softball team. A new policy has been announced for the manner in which personell and line-up construction is handled. It follows:

For games that start at 6pm, I will be at the field around 5:10ish. For all other games, I will generally be there around 6. I will then begin drinking bier. Jeff & TDub will usually be there around the time I get there. I do not care who else will be there or what time they get there. You are welcome to play from now on if you have ever played for the Gorillas and have not 1) brought a chick to the game and then offered "finger in the butt for a dollar" played catcher & flipped off the pitcher 2) Not paid your part for the league not once, but twice.

When & if you show up, write your name on the line-up card (pictured above-right) in the spot you think you should bat. I don't care if we have 17 or 6 guys. If we do not have enough to play I will continue to sit in my chair and drink bier. If you are not going to be there and are concerned about it, I suppose you could ask someone to go in your stead. Or you could tell someone on the team. Someone other than me, for I will still not care. If you are not sure you want to play for the Gorillas, you could tell someone on the team - someone other than me - so they might invite one of the several people that DO want to play for the Gorillas.

My only concern this year is that you bring bier. I am an alcoholic and it is quite expensive for me to buy bier for me to drink in excess the other 6 days, let alone buy enough for you on Tuesdays.

Lastly, I'd like to thank our sponsor, Verville Construction. We are going to try to raise a little money to buy equipment by selling door knockers that are exact scale sculptures of the main motherfucker at Verville Construction. They are $100 and pictured here.

Thank you, and God Bless America, the Gashaus Gorillas, and our collective balls.