An Open Invitation. -or- Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Pricks

We'll admit it. We haven't watched a pitch of the Little League World Series. Something about Harold Reynolds not being there makes it all seem, we dunno, fake now. And even though girlfriends have insisted that we're constantly "ignoring the elephant in the living room" (what do you mean D has a drinking problem???), we thought we might acknowledge the kid bigger than an elephant that's been hanging out in an infield in Williamsport, Pa. As anyone who has watched Sportscenter or has traveled the information super-highway in the last week knows, there's an American, um, kid that plays for Saudi Arabia in the Little League World Series that is fucking huge. 6'8", 256 lbs! Gezus.

Since we're always looking to improve - size wise - we thought we should get this kid to play for the Gorillas. So we're extending an open invitation to Aaron Durley.

Aaron,

Gongrats on being so fucking big. We're sure that playing in the Little League World Series is great and all, but you may want to consider quitting that noise and coming to Evansville to play in the fall softball league for the Gashaus Gorillas. We know you get free equipment from Little League sponsors, but we are prepared to provide you with one of Snyder's hats, a pair of Baumgart' cleats, and let you hang out with Melon. That might not sound all that great, but believe me, Melon is a pimp. I mean, it's gotta be hard for a "13 year old" to find some poon-tang in Williamsport. Nothing but other player's moms and Erin Andrews there, and we hear she's partial to the Far East kids. We have lots of drunk white women here in Evansville, and you can probably hook up easily if you tell them you're Dean Garrett. Please think about it. Oh yah, see if you can bring one of the Dominican Republic's shortstops with you - ours is always hurt.

Thanks,
Gashaus Gorillas

Let us know if you think of anyone else we should offer positions to. We're already drafting letters to send to H.R., Ted Lilly, John Kruk, and, since we were thinking about her, Erin Andrews.

Gorrillas Update:
The Gorillas did not enter the yearly city tournament, so several of our players are scattered amongst other teams. As far as we know, all of those teams are still in the winners bracket after the 1st round. We may provide updates of those teams depending on if they do or do not, in fact, suck. And, proving that God is funny, some of us play those Gawd Fearin' Basteds this Wednesday nite. Hilarity will ensue. As usual.