Celebrity Death O' The Week -or- JJ Fad Mourns

Sad news this weekend. NBA and Child Support legend Shawn Kemp croaked. I'm sure his 73 kids and Gary Payton are very upset. Also, apparently he was in politics too. Who knew?

In other news, the Gorillas will vie for a champeenship Tuesday night when they play a bunch of fagalas called "Turn Two" at 8 & 9. We have to win at least one to keep the trophey all to ourselves, so we should, you know, do that.

Update (11:45): Apparently I was mistaken, it wasn't Shawn Kemp that died. It was a footballer, David Michael Kemp. My bad, and my apologies to Gary Payton.

Update (1:59): Oopsie. I just received word that it was not in fact famed footballer David Michael Kemp that kicked (get it?) the bucket, but instead famed dick head, 2nd bagger and champion of the porn mustache Jeff Kent is not diving for ground balls in heaven now. Reports indicate that he is lying to the Dodgers about dying because it's prohibited in his contract.

Update (3:01): My sincerest apologies to the family of Jeff Kent. According to a nice old lady that identified herself as his mother, Jeff is neither dead nor a dickhead. (She would not, however, answer my inquiries as to weather he has ever hustled out a ground ball.) In response to the call from Mrs. Kent, I have promised to buy some shiny glasses and shave my beard so that I look like a traffic cop, just like her boy. I've also fired the Gashaus Gorilla Softball Blog's fact checker, a chimpanzee named Earl. Sure, it will be a lot less fun around here with me being the only one throwing my own feces, but mistakes like that can't be tolerated. Earl will be put down humanely (using last year's team bat) right after he finishes picking the bugs out of my back hair.

Update (3:20): Okay, it turns out our report of Jeff Kent dying yesterday was way off. Instead of Jeff Kent it was Jack Kent Cooke, and instead of yesterday it was in 1997. Boy, Earl sure fucked that one up. I'll make sure he signs out an apology to Mr. Cooke's lovely daughter before I leave him to die on the side of the road like the filthy, non-Google using animal he is.